Entry tags:
TDM 001
TEST DRIVE MEME 001 ❀
CONTENT WARNINGS: potential character nudity, violence, trypophobia (images) as well as light mentions of gore.
Please note: FOR THE FIRST 24 HOURS AFTER 'HATCHING', CHARACTERS WILL FEEL WEAK AND ANY POWERS THEY HAVE WILL NOT WORK.
Test drive meme threads can be considered game canon for players who are later accepted and wish to keep their CR. The rescue mission prompt will be a TDM-exclusive, but the other prompts that you see here will also appear on our first game log. There will, of course, be more going on that week.
Please reserve questions about consequences for altering or meaningfully investigating the setting for the first log of the game, where we will have a Mod Questions thread at the top of the log. On this test drive meme, please reserve this thread for clarification and setting questions.
On the first day of reserves (May 10th), only players who participate in the TDM will be allowed to reserve. You must link an AC-length thread from the TDM for early access. Starting on the 11th, any prospective player may submit a reserve. Our hope is that this will avoid overwhelming our reserves.

Congrats, you've woken up in an egg. I'm sure this is exactly how you wanted to spend your Saturday, right? There's no time to get curious and check out the other egg sacs. By the time you've fought your way out of the membranous sac, spilled electric blue goop everywhere, wiped it out of your eyes and sundry other orifices to get your bearings, you have a spear (or a gun) leveled at your face, throat, or other vital organs. Even if you might be inclined to fight, you can barely lift your arms to protest being grabbed and dragged off. Before you can even get a word in edgewise, you've been thrown into a holding cell.
Characters will not have a chance to retrieve their items at the time of the first hatching, and may not even know there is anything left in the remaining eggs.
The holding cell stinks of something sour and acidic, like rotted citrus, but you are not alone. Several other detainees sit in similar squalid confusion, dressed strangely and equally gooey. Time to make nice, ask questions... figure out what the hell is going on, and maybe do something about all that slime?
Over the next few days, a few things become clear. Despite the alien greeting, your captors speak a language that you understand, and the unpleasant circumstances are revealed to be a matter of necessity, not choice. Supplies are low, but they ensure that the new arrivals' time imprisoned is as painless as can be — they offer hot communal showers of less than three minutes, some strange starchy meal-replacement, and medical treatment to those in need. You might strike up a conversation with your new best friend in the shower over a low soap dispenser or when you realize you might need to share towels.
The cost of these luxuries comes in the form of touch-and-go interrogation by the security officers keeping tabs on the cells and supervising the shower time.
A few notes:
Please note: FOR THE FIRST 24 HOURS AFTER 'HATCHING', CHARACTERS WILL FEEL WEAK AND ANY POWERS THEY HAVE WILL NOT WORK.
Test drive meme threads can be considered game canon for players who are later accepted and wish to keep their CR. The rescue mission prompt will be a TDM-exclusive, but the other prompts that you see here will also appear on our first game log. There will, of course, be more going on that week.
Please reserve questions about consequences for altering or meaningfully investigating the setting for the first log of the game, where we will have a Mod Questions thread at the top of the log. On this test drive meme, please reserve this thread for clarification and setting questions.
On the first day of reserves (May 10th), only players who participate in the TDM will be allowed to reserve. You must link an AC-length thread from the TDM for early access. Starting on the 11th, any prospective player may submit a reserve. Our hope is that this will avoid overwhelming our reserves.
❀ HATCHING

Congrats, you've woken up in an egg. I'm sure this is exactly how you wanted to spend your Saturday, right? There's no time to get curious and check out the other egg sacs. By the time you've fought your way out of the membranous sac, spilled electric blue goop everywhere, wiped it out of your eyes and sundry other orifices to get your bearings, you have a spear (or a gun) leveled at your face, throat, or other vital organs. Even if you might be inclined to fight, you can barely lift your arms to protest being grabbed and dragged off. Before you can even get a word in edgewise, you've been thrown into a holding cell.
Characters will not have a chance to retrieve their items at the time of the first hatching, and may not even know there is anything left in the remaining eggs.
The holding cell stinks of something sour and acidic, like rotted citrus, but you are not alone. Several other detainees sit in similar squalid confusion, dressed strangely and equally gooey. Time to make nice, ask questions... figure out what the hell is going on, and maybe do something about all that slime?
Over the next few days, a few things become clear. Despite the alien greeting, your captors speak a language that you understand, and the unpleasant circumstances are revealed to be a matter of necessity, not choice. Supplies are low, but they ensure that the new arrivals' time imprisoned is as painless as can be — they offer hot communal showers of less than three minutes, some strange starchy meal-replacement, and medical treatment to those in need. You might strike up a conversation with your new best friend in the shower over a low soap dispenser or when you realize you might need to share towels.
The cost of these luxuries comes in the form of touch-and-go interrogation by the security officers keeping tabs on the cells and supervising the shower time.
A few notes:
☆ Your character may get pulled away for interrogation at some point. No torture, no drugs; just questioning.
☆ Locals will be stopping by outside the freestanding holding cells to ogle or ask questions. Are you really going to be mean to that little kid staring at you with wide eyes?
☆ Characters will be let out for bio breaks. No one has to pee in a bucket, that's just inhumane!
☆ Attempts to escape will probably get you tasered. The mods will not facilitate escape-plots/etc on test drive memes. However: if you app and are accepted you are more than welcome to chat with us about the possibility of having escaped or attempted it.
☆ Locals will be stopping by outside the freestanding holding cells to ogle or ask questions. Are you really going to be mean to that little kid staring at you with wide eyes?
☆ Characters will be let out for bio breaks. No one has to pee in a bucket, that's just inhumane!
☆ Attempts to escape will probably get you tasered. The mods will not facilitate escape-plots/etc on test drive memes. However: if you app and are accepted you are more than welcome to chat with us about the possibility of having escaped or attempted it.
❀ EXPLORE THE BASECAMP
On the heels of a little benign interrogation, a medical inspection, and a stern talking to by Captain Childe, the survivors at Basecamp Leviathan determine one thing: you don't appear to be an active threat.
Released from the detention center after three days, you are given the run-down by the locals — you're on a planet called Ethyraia, and the people around you are survivors of the catastrophic crash of the UCSS Adamant several years prior. You, in fact, showed up on the third anniversary of the crash. Weird coincidence, huh?
You're being allowed to mingle with the others. The first order of the day is having a proper meal at the mess hall — some of the Adamant's survivors will be friendlier than others. They've been stranded here for years, remember? Some of them will be so desperate to talk to someone who has news of other places, and some will be giving you the cold shoulder.
You'll be fed the same as the rest of them. A plastic plate of crumbled protein of unidentifiable origin and gravy over rice with a single wilted stalk of broccoli and a cup of the worst coffee you've ever had. Maybe somebody bumps into you and spills said coffee, maybe you make it all the way to one of the long tables set out for communal eating.
Time to strike up a chat with your neighbor — maybe ask them to pass the salt?
(What do you mean, there's no salt!?)
After a meal — it's hard to say which one you'd call it, since the whole crew is on rotating schedules — you may decide to wander the basecamp. Folks in every department could use a hand. Those willing to help out may get friendlier reception than those who play the tourist. For more info on what else you might find, check out the LOCATIONS page.
During this time, characters will be able to return to the Central Chrysalis where they hatched. While there are no clues as to how they got there, they might find items — their own, or someone else's. Everyone is strapped for supplies, but try not to snatch up anything that isn't yours. The security officers don't look kindly on people chasing one other down the hall, trying to get back their dirty magazines.
A few notes:
Released from the detention center after three days, you are given the run-down by the locals — you're on a planet called Ethyraia, and the people around you are survivors of the catastrophic crash of the UCSS Adamant several years prior. You, in fact, showed up on the third anniversary of the crash. Weird coincidence, huh?
You're being allowed to mingle with the others. The first order of the day is having a proper meal at the mess hall — some of the Adamant's survivors will be friendlier than others. They've been stranded here for years, remember? Some of them will be so desperate to talk to someone who has news of other places, and some will be giving you the cold shoulder.
You'll be fed the same as the rest of them. A plastic plate of crumbled protein of unidentifiable origin and gravy over rice with a single wilted stalk of broccoli and a cup of the worst coffee you've ever had. Maybe somebody bumps into you and spills said coffee, maybe you make it all the way to one of the long tables set out for communal eating.
Time to strike up a chat with your neighbor — maybe ask them to pass the salt?
(What do you mean, there's no salt!?)
After a meal — it's hard to say which one you'd call it, since the whole crew is on rotating schedules — you may decide to wander the basecamp. Folks in every department could use a hand. Those willing to help out may get friendlier reception than those who play the tourist. For more info on what else you might find, check out the LOCATIONS page.
During this time, characters will be able to return to the Central Chrysalis where they hatched. While there are no clues as to how they got there, they might find items — their own, or someone else's. Everyone is strapped for supplies, but try not to snatch up anything that isn't yours. The security officers don't look kindly on people chasing one other down the hall, trying to get back their dirty magazines.
A few notes:
☆ Feel free to help out anywhere. Every little bit of assistance you offer to the locals will raise their estimation of you. You could easily help clean dishes after the meal, help fix leaky piping or repair hammocks. You could stop by the aid station and assist with the wounded. You'll be watched closely and some of the survivors will be warier than others, but most will appreciate the opportunity to have a 'break'.
☆ If your character leaves the basecamp and wanders outside the Leviathan, they may begin to notice that what they perhaps took as a giant cave is actually an enormous dragon. Everything they see that seems 'human made' will look varying levels of worn down, patched, repaired and patched again. This is not a place of prosperity and happiness. Many people are recently injured, or have new scars or missing limbs.
☆ PCs will be warned about going beyond the shade of the dragon's wings. For the sake of the test drive mods will not be facilitating plots that deal with characters going further; we ask that players with an interest in exploring this wait until the game is fully open.
☆ If your character leaves the basecamp and wanders outside the Leviathan, they may begin to notice that what they perhaps took as a giant cave is actually an enormous dragon. Everything they see that seems 'human made' will look varying levels of worn down, patched, repaired and patched again. This is not a place of prosperity and happiness. Many people are recently injured, or have new scars or missing limbs.
☆ PCs will be warned about going beyond the shade of the dragon's wings. For the sake of the test drive mods will not be facilitating plots that deal with characters going further; we ask that players with an interest in exploring this wait until the game is fully open.
❀ RESCUE MISSION
"There's no time to waste," the woman says breathlessly as she grabs your arm. She pulls you to an augmented reality sand table and you will find yourself standing alongside some of the others you may recognize as having 'hatched' with you. There are murmurs by the Adamant's survivors as they pour over data. Maybe you remember Captain Childe from the stern interrogation she gave you a few days ago, but in any case but she's standing at the edge of the sand table looking at the distance scaled between the enormous huddle of HUD badges — the Adamant's survivors — and a tiny pocket of pulsing green some fifteen kilometers away.
"They knew better," Captain Childe says, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. "They should have been back hours ago."
"Fucking scientists," says a man with a faintly French accent. He is scarred and battle-worn, and looks properly pissed off. He's also sporting several fresh injuries, one of which seems to have warranted the use of a crutch. "They'd lose their heads if they weren't attached. Let them wait out the storm."
"No," the captain says. "They're too close to the Rat Nest. We don't need a repeat of —" she trails off, as if seeing you for the first time. She looks you up and down, and then: "You've been told by now that everyone here has to pitch in. If you know how to fight, be ready in ten minutes. You're our rescue squad." She turns and walks out, and there's an awkward moment where everyone present is looking at you to make a choice.
Ten minutes really isn't a lot of time to get ready to walk into danger. Or maybe you aren't a fighter. Maybe you just don't care. But either way, there are people looking to you. To see how you'll react. To see what you'll do. To see if you belong.
What'll it be, hatchling? Fight or flight? Maybe you ought to start coming up with a plan.
FIELD WORK
There's a cadre of scientists cut off by acid rain. From their last transmission, they were driven into the Rat Warrens — and you've been tasked with rescuing them. Too many members of the Security Team are themselves injured, and none of the remaining ones have experience leading a fire team. Let's hope you do — or at least that you can fake it.
Maybe you've hand-picked your team. Maybe you're just stuck with whoever else was closest. Either way, your companions are some of the people you might recognize as fellow 'hatchlings'. If you know them already — good, you've got a head start on what they might be capable of out in the field, and you can chat about the little things. You know, like the weather. Acid rain, gotta love it.
Either way. You're given few small slabs of surprisingly lightweight alloy that has a sheet of — is that hide from the Leviathan? — stretched across them, to divide up amongst your team. "Helps with the rain," Ensign Porter says, trying to sound cheerful despite the grim set to his jaw. "Just come back in one piece. I kinda feel responsible for you guys, you know?"
Before you know it, you're outfitted for the trip. Weapons (if you didn't have your own) and maybe some medical supplies, handed over with a grimace by Doc Sunya.
So then it's just you, your tiny team and a fifteen kilometer hike. Oh, and the acid rain. Luckily, the shields seem to be keeping it off, but it's hard to hear anything over the impact of the drops. Anyone want to play I never?
Or maybe you think you should make a break for it. This is your first time being outside the Leviathan unsupervised. You've got supplies, and other people with as little to lose here as you do. Maybe you should talk.
THE RAT WARREN
You've made it to the last transmitted location of the scientists. What you find doesn't bode well — one of them seemed to have an arm torn off — at least, you think it's an arm — the way it's been disintegrated by the rain makes it hard to tell.
One thing's certain, though. There are bloodstains leading into the nearby maw of a hole in the ground. There's a putrid odor wafting from it, and the sound of frantic scrabbling.
You have an idea of what might be down there. 'Giant rats with tentacles', Porter had said. Don't let the tentacles grab you, they leave chemical burns that usually result in amputation if they can't be treated immediately. But there's a chance the scientists are still alive, and you need to make your choice.
If you and your small team venture down into the darkness, what happens next is up to you. You'll be encountering hoards of these monsters. The scientists are still alive, but will they stay that way? And more importantly, can you get them back to the Leviathan in one piece?
PCs versus the local fauna, round one, FIGHT!
A few notes:
"They knew better," Captain Childe says, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. "They should have been back hours ago."
"Fucking scientists," says a man with a faintly French accent. He is scarred and battle-worn, and looks properly pissed off. He's also sporting several fresh injuries, one of which seems to have warranted the use of a crutch. "They'd lose their heads if they weren't attached. Let them wait out the storm."
"No," the captain says. "They're too close to the Rat Nest. We don't need a repeat of —" she trails off, as if seeing you for the first time. She looks you up and down, and then: "You've been told by now that everyone here has to pitch in. If you know how to fight, be ready in ten minutes. You're our rescue squad." She turns and walks out, and there's an awkward moment where everyone present is looking at you to make a choice.
Ten minutes really isn't a lot of time to get ready to walk into danger. Or maybe you aren't a fighter. Maybe you just don't care. But either way, there are people looking to you. To see how you'll react. To see what you'll do. To see if you belong.
What'll it be, hatchling? Fight or flight? Maybe you ought to start coming up with a plan.
FIELD WORK
There's a cadre of scientists cut off by acid rain. From their last transmission, they were driven into the Rat Warrens — and you've been tasked with rescuing them. Too many members of the Security Team are themselves injured, and none of the remaining ones have experience leading a fire team. Let's hope you do — or at least that you can fake it.
Maybe you've hand-picked your team. Maybe you're just stuck with whoever else was closest. Either way, your companions are some of the people you might recognize as fellow 'hatchlings'. If you know them already — good, you've got a head start on what they might be capable of out in the field, and you can chat about the little things. You know, like the weather. Acid rain, gotta love it.
Either way. You're given few small slabs of surprisingly lightweight alloy that has a sheet of — is that hide from the Leviathan? — stretched across them, to divide up amongst your team. "Helps with the rain," Ensign Porter says, trying to sound cheerful despite the grim set to his jaw. "Just come back in one piece. I kinda feel responsible for you guys, you know?"
Before you know it, you're outfitted for the trip. Weapons (if you didn't have your own) and maybe some medical supplies, handed over with a grimace by Doc Sunya.
So then it's just you, your tiny team and a fifteen kilometer hike. Oh, and the acid rain. Luckily, the shields seem to be keeping it off, but it's hard to hear anything over the impact of the drops. Anyone want to play I never?
Or maybe you think you should make a break for it. This is your first time being outside the Leviathan unsupervised. You've got supplies, and other people with as little to lose here as you do. Maybe you should talk.
THE RAT WARREN
You've made it to the last transmitted location of the scientists. What you find doesn't bode well — one of them seemed to have an arm torn off — at least, you think it's an arm — the way it's been disintegrated by the rain makes it hard to tell.
One thing's certain, though. There are bloodstains leading into the nearby maw of a hole in the ground. There's a putrid odor wafting from it, and the sound of frantic scrabbling.
You have an idea of what might be down there. 'Giant rats with tentacles', Porter had said. Don't let the tentacles grab you, they leave chemical burns that usually result in amputation if they can't be treated immediately. But there's a chance the scientists are still alive, and you need to make your choice.
If you and your small team venture down into the darkness, what happens next is up to you. You'll be encountering hoards of these monsters. The scientists are still alive, but will they stay that way? And more importantly, can you get them back to the Leviathan in one piece?
PCs versus the local fauna, round one, FIGHT!
A few notes:
☆ Feel free to put player characters 'in charge' of the planning/logistics phase. If another PC tags into your thread, you and that player can decide which PC will be 'leading the charge'.
☆ Your character will have: a mini-railgun, a spear (if they don't have their items/weapons from home), a first-aid kit, the acid rain shields, ration bars (that are essentially condensed protein bars — they do not taste good) and one of the smartwatches, which will have a mini holographic HUD displayable on its interface. If your character is the sort to request other things, feel free to assume they received them (within reason — please remember that resource scarcity is the name of the game — feel free to be creative here!).
☆ There are fifteen kilometers to cover. If your character has an ability like superspeed/etc, please keep in mind it will work, but you also have your allies to consider. Normal walking time over this distance, given the difficulty of the environment (steep hills, acid rain, unknown territory, etc) would translate to several hours to an average person.
☆ Feel free to use the NPC scientists however you'd like. If you want your character to find some dead, you can. If you'd prefer they be rescued, that is also acceptable. These are essentially 'your' NPCs that you are using to facilitate the story at this point — the sky is the metaphoric limit!
☆ Your character will have: a mini-railgun, a spear (if they don't have their items/weapons from home), a first-aid kit, the acid rain shields, ration bars (that are essentially condensed protein bars — they do not taste good) and one of the smartwatches, which will have a mini holographic HUD displayable on its interface. If your character is the sort to request other things, feel free to assume they received them (within reason — please remember that resource scarcity is the name of the game — feel free to be creative here!).
☆ There are fifteen kilometers to cover. If your character has an ability like superspeed/etc, please keep in mind it will work, but you also have your allies to consider. Normal walking time over this distance, given the difficulty of the environment (steep hills, acid rain, unknown territory, etc) would translate to several hours to an average person.
☆ Feel free to use the NPC scientists however you'd like. If you want your character to find some dead, you can. If you'd prefer they be rescued, that is also acceptable. These are essentially 'your' NPCs that you are using to facilitate the story at this point — the sky is the metaphoric limit!
❀ BOOZE
A week. You've been here for a week.
By now, you might have tried to venture out of Basecamp Leviathan and experienced firsthand the acid rains that the security officers warned you about. Or you might be teaching the kids at the schoolyard how to gamble. In any event, Thorkil seems to take pity on his disoriented new friends and taps his distillery for a little help.
Invitation passes by word of mouth to meet at the memorial wall. Moonshine of questionable quality is passed around in tin cups — hope no one's afraid of germs — as Thorkil explains the great relief it is to be gaining people instead of losing them. This settlement isn't big, and they aren't overburdened with hope or supplies, but there's been a lot of loss in the past three years. Some people might be willing to look at the arrival of these newcomers as a sign that things are turning around.
Bottoms up, hatchlings, and ... Happy Birthday?
A few notes:
By now, you might have tried to venture out of Basecamp Leviathan and experienced firsthand the acid rains that the security officers warned you about. Or you might be teaching the kids at the schoolyard how to gamble. In any event, Thorkil seems to take pity on his disoriented new friends and taps his distillery for a little help.
Invitation passes by word of mouth to meet at the memorial wall. Moonshine of questionable quality is passed around in tin cups — hope no one's afraid of germs — as Thorkil explains the great relief it is to be gaining people instead of losing them. This settlement isn't big, and they aren't overburdened with hope or supplies, but there's been a lot of loss in the past three years. Some people might be willing to look at the arrival of these newcomers as a sign that things are turning around.
Bottoms up, hatchlings, and ... Happy Birthday?
A few notes:
☆ Feel free to turn this into an impromptu party. Maybe you're celebrating getting all the scientists back alive! Maybe it's something like a wake to remember them in the sad event of their passing. Either way, many of the engineers and other NPCs may join you in this moonlight drinking session, as well as whatever PCs you tag out to or are tagged by.)
❀ OBLIGATORY NETWORK
Welcome people of all kinds to Basecamp Leviathan! I'd give you a hand moving in except...
I have no hands.
Because I'm an AI.
Get it?
It's a joke.
My name is Cartagena. But anyway, this isn't about me or the Adamant for once. This is about all of you. So if you would kindly fill out the following questionnaire to get to know each other; it would also be very helpful for my systems.
NOTE: Participation is MANDATORY.
That was another joke. It's all voluntary. You people and your free will.
1. What is your name?
2. Where are you from?
3. What's your favorite smell? Please describe it as you would to a person without a nose. Because I do not have a nose.
4. If you could be any animal in any world, what would you be?
5. How old are you?
6. Did you enjoy this questionnaire?
Thank you for your participation! Please enjoy the rest of your stay here at Basecamp Leviathan.
I have no hands.
Because I'm an AI.
Get it?
It's a joke.
My name is Cartagena. But anyway, this isn't about me or the Adamant for once. This is about all of you. So if you would kindly fill out the following questionnaire to get to know each other; it would also be very helpful for my systems.
NOTE: Participation is MANDATORY.
That was another joke. It's all voluntary. You people and your free will.
1. What is your name?
2. Where are you from?
3. What's your favorite smell? Please describe it as you would to a person without a nose. Because I do not have a nose.
4. If you could be any animal in any world, what would you be?
5. How old are you?
6. Did you enjoy this questionnaire?
Thank you for your participation! Please enjoy the rest of your stay here at Basecamp Leviathan.
no subject
[ He's silent for a time. He knows the light in her eyes is silenced as well because of it, but has nothing else to give her in the moment, and has never pretended were it not the case. ]
It is a story.
[ Tell him it belongs as it did in the pages of a book, yet another nightmare given life of her kind. And it's not her power, too. Her power he can live with — and has chosen to. This is too close to fire. ]
Not real. You do not have such Grisha.
no subject
Would it be so bad to have someone come who can finally end the Fold? To help save hundreds of thousands of Ravkan lives -- not Grisha, just innocent, human [ the word is a whip, a lash against him, a sharp mockery of his continued denial of her right and the right of her people to exist ] women and children? Tell me you're not that hard-hearted.
no subject
[ Her insistence on the lives of women and children don't change the fact: ]
You're asking for one life, now.
[ One life that saves many. Trass noses at him, at his fingers, looking up at him. Yes, she's asking for one life, like it was asked for in the storm. That, he can do. ]
[ His mouth thins; he doesn't think that she will beg, but decides he doesn't want to hear it, anyway. ]
Show me.
no subject
Of course, if Matthias is going to go to war on his own, there's very little she can do to stop him without actually... stopping him. And that would end everything, and she doesn't want this to end. She looks at him and hurts, but she doesn't step out of his way, or turn to do as he dared to command. ]
Do I need to remind you of the same thing I was going to have to tell him? There might be Grisha here, but there is no Ravka, there's no Fjerda. There's no war here unless we bring it with us. We have other things that we can... be. And we have more pressing concerns than those of a whole world away from us.
no subject
Nina. You do not understand.
[ This is not about Ravka or Fjerda, the desertion already handled that. Because it's what he is, now, like a brand on his heart. This is about something unknown and terrifying, that curdles the air in his lungs and gleefully roots around in the black ground where his family and village are buried. ]
[ Trass, lightly, takes Nina's arm in his jaws and tugs her gently. Out, out of his way, come with me. ]
[ Bitterly, ]
It is true that we have other things we can be. Right now, I am what I chose to become.
[ And what he trained to be still lives on, like the hot coals at the centre of a fire. ]
I need to see this.
no subject
She crouches down to pet Trassel with her other hand, trusting him as she is still trusting Matthias. She takes a deep breath, her emotions as unsteady as a storm, but her purpose as clear as a lighthouse. She knows what she's fighting for. And she's not moving out of his way. She makes no attempt to free her arm, or shift to stand as she looks back up to Matthias, pinning him with her gaze. ]
If I don't understand, then explain it to me. [ She is not saying no. She has every intention of bringing him to Alina. This is not about that. ] Matthias. [ This is about you and me. ] Tell me.
no subject
You do things that [ are unnatural. Horrifying. Nightmares. He's trying to quantify his nightmares. ] no one should be able to do. And now you tell me something even more impossible than that has happened.
[ His jaw pulls tight. Of course she will not understand. She takes so much pride in herself, a mirror of him, and she is Grisha all the way through. But he can't complain about that — as blood curdling as this may be he chose her as surely as she chose him, and there's no taking that back. ]
This is not joyful.
no subject
They were both still falling.
She knows what he's been taught, the hatred poured into a druskelle's soul like poison. She knew what he meant when he'd told her that she was not a woman.
He'd pulled her back up. And they were both still falling.
As much as she wants to bulldoze right through, to shout, 'Who decides what is unnatural?', that's not what will work right now, that's not what he needs.
He reached for her because he is falling.
Softly, in Fjerdan: ] I understand.
[ She looks back up at him, holds his gaze as she can not hold his hand. ]
You were taught that we were abominations. Unnatural. Against Djel. It must be so hard for you to even think about it being otherwise, to hear me when I tell you that what I do isn't against life, it's connected to life. You didn't grow up seeing all the good we can do, just hearing of the harm... And I know that there are Grisha who have done horrible things. I know it must be hard for you to consider if there's a difference between stopping a heart with a bullet or a look - to hear of something new now is not joyful for you. I understand. I do.
no subject
[ But Nina speaks it, all the glides and dives, and hearing it always makes his heart race. She makes herself a shore upon which the waves break, and Matthias' grip on her tightens, minutely. Not enough to feel it more, but of a statement from him. Enough for many. ]
It's not like your power.
[ Which he can admit with some sheepishness he's gotten used to. There are some things about it he even enjoys, not that he will say that aloud. ]
[ She doesn't realise she's wrong, that he hasn't just heard stories or seen Grisha in battle, but that they have walked into his life and irrevocably changed the course of it. Would the boy he was recognise who he'd become, after he finished his training? His parents, his sister, what would they say if they saw him now? Matthias isn't yet willing to open that door. Nina is too sharp, and her words always find their mark; those aren't memories he wants changed by the colours she's tailoring into his life. ]
... I'm sure it is wonderful for you to have witnessed a sun summoner.
[ The words aren't bitten out. He simply looks away. ]
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[ She will not apologize for that.
...and she realizes that she can not add on her hope, that Alina will speak with her to the general, to Matthias. He needs to see this for what it is, wrestle it out for himself. To add on a layer of self-protection would be something that he not only would not accept, but would rob him of the opportunity to see another Grisha, a new Grisha, as human. She can't say something along the lines of 'now play nice' without taking some of his choice from him, and she has gone out of her way and beyond to avoid doing that.
So she won't. She'll just have to keep trusting him.
Tentatively, she brings up a hand to circle his wrist, as he has so often circled hers. It's probably the wrong move, but he is hurting so much and she doesn't know what else to do. ]
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[ And he's not so hard-hearted, to rob her of hers. Not anymore. You're scared because if you laugh at my jokes... and accept her hope that he might start to think she's human. Well. She's not a monster. It would be... prudent to see what the other one is like, if only for the reason that he has to decide how to feel about it. Other than the ugly twist of emotions curling in his stomach, sending poison in his veins. ]
[ She's permitted the touch. Matthias lets his emotion fade in a thin, but comforting silence. Then, ]
Let's go meet this hope of yours.
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Her heart stirs toward him, and she wishes he would let her kiss him, or even just embrace him. He is still so reserved. That's something she's going to keep pushing too. ]
I love the way you listen to me.
[ There's no wickedness in her tone to hide the sincerity of her statement, it's raw and naked between them -- it would be easier to kiss him than for him to see this, but it spills out of her mouth without any filter or regret. He never makes her feel small. He's always considered every one of her words, even when he was chaining her up, or risking drowning rather than share a scrap of wood with her. He listens, he evaluates, and he changes -- the strength to do that amazes her. He is worth every bit of pain and stress. ]
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You talk all the time. What else am I supposed to do?
[ She's always pushing. He doesn't like to move, but there's no corner to be backed into. Just paces and paces of what's old and dying. It has to be rooted out, he knew this as a boy. Leave something exposed and the cold wind will cut it. Nina is the opposite. Nina is all brashness and whipcrack resolve, a summer sun that lingers too long in the sky. ]
[ He doesn't yet know what will survive it. Something will. Whether he likes it or not — when has anything in life asked him for that permission? ]
Where are we going?
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You like the way I talk. [ Nina moves to stand, although not to shake off Matthias' hand. ]
I'll contact her and see where she would like to meet. [ And now she has to move and risk his hand leaving her arm, but THESE are the sacrifices a Grisha has to make, so she takes out the phone to text: ]
We're ready. Where would you like to meet?
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The mess hall?
[ there would be plenty of observers there, at least.
or at least, that's what she thinks, before she makes her way there and realizes that she's volunteered it at a time that doesn't sync up for any shift's meals. she stares at the empty cafeteria with not inconsiderable disappointment, as though it were some kind of bleak metaphor from the densest literature.
then she invites herself to a table to sit down. then, noticing she can't see the door properly, and the fjerdan might sneak up on her, she reorients herself to be on better guard. she'll get used to this business of constantly fearing for her life, one day. ]
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Matthias leans over, curious, and Nina rolls her eyes at him and curves her body around the phone to respond privately: ]
We're on our way. [ She debates a moment and adds: ] He's got his isenulf with him as well, but don't worry. Neither of them are going to hurt you.
[ Because, Trassel, you're well on your way to worming your way into Nina's heart, but you're also kind of a Lot.
Entering the mess hall, it's more deserted than Nina would expect. Her stomach rumbles quietly, and she, Matthias, and Trassel probably fill up the doorway for a moment before Nina spots Alina and heads over.
She doesn't force a smile, patently false as it would be under these circumstances, but though she's worried, she's also trusting in Matthias and in what Alina had shown of herself. Nina believes that this will work out, and also she doesn't know what she'll do if it doesn't, so she's... leaning into that trust with all she has. ]
Matthias, this is Alina. She mentioned you'd met earlier.
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[ Trass doesn't want to be left by the door. he paws at Matthias, but obeys, only his eyes fixed on them inside as he paces back and forth. The mess hall is eerily empty. ]
[ He glances around, moving over to check that the stalls really are all empty, letting Nina approach first. But is quick to follow, just outside of her shadow. ]
[ It doesn't feel like a confrontation. Then, he can choose otherwise, but it should not be so. ]
I thought it might be you.
[ Although his studying gaze over Alina is now a little colder. The Darkling's colors, and the truth of her identity. He can do nothing about what he is, or what she is. ]
So. Is it true, what you can do?
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no. that kirigan had lied to her doesn't mean everyone is a monster. nina trusted him, and nina had been good and honest. ]
Do you want a demonstration, too? I should start charging. Maybe they'll give me my own slot in the theater.
[ she can't help the brusqueness. she's been running for her life because of druskelle and the nebulous threat of assassins of all other kinds since she'd found out what she could do. she doesn't like that he's the one questioning her, like she's a criminal. ]
Nina says you don't kill grisha. Ever, or anymore?
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[ Maybe they will. Nina had been so desperately happy to know of this one's existence, whether the power was used well or not hadn't surfaced. All they saw was the Fold being destroyed. ]
[ The Fold is helpful, to Fjerda, keeping their enemy divided. But even Matthias agrees it makes him uneasy to think about. A long shadow sea, full of unspeakable horrors. Things that can die, certainly, but it would expend great effort to kill them all. ]
Is that what Nina says?
[ He didn't kill the captives as the captain had ordered, before Djel raised the storm. It's not a decision that weighs him down: it saved his life and gave him Nina. Who speaks very well of him, but that's because she wants to. It's her way. ]
[ He glances sidelong at her, sensing the wince. ]
I am no longer required to kill. [ But he can't bite out the word deserter, that's too much shame, and not for Alina's eyes. ] As for why I'm here now, it is to see you. I will watch, and that is all.
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Alina didn't grow up in the Little Palace. Nina'd had a chance to study out the culture of the land that gave her nightmares, she had context when Matthias said things like this -- Nina didn't know how much Alina knew, and so she thinks it's all right to clarify: ]
Apparently, Fjerda has stories of a sun summoner too. [ She shrugs a little. ] It's not easy to believe that a tale's come to life.
[ She wants to say - that a nightmare has become real, but that's... not hers to share, and Matthias would forgive her, but she doesn't want to expose him like that when he is already being so brave and stretching so much just to be here. ]
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[ her voice is desert dry. she may not know a great deal about fjerda besides the basics that every child who had a mind for learning was taught — ana kuya had been diligent in her schooling — and horror stories from first army soldiers who'd been to the front. but she has heard enough of druskelle already. she'd been curious, after fjerdans had almost killed her in the carriage.
when she raises her hands in front of her, it's with a stubborn purpose. this isn't about sharing something beautiful, as it had been with nina. it was a show of force. it was proving a point.
she brings splayed palms together in front of her chest, drawing a deep breath. her hair tousles with the force as a tiny burst of starlight begins between her palms. then it explodes, first to the size of a child's ball, then tension ripples through her and it blows wider, engulfing the three of them.
she lifts her chin as if to ask, do you see me, druskelle? as if to insist that she is not afraid this time because she is not hiding. ]
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[ His eyes follow the arc of the light. From its centre as it breathes out in the air, wisps drifting around them. Dancing. Surely to anyone else it would be beautiful — even as it's a challenge. But in these bright spots there's only the distant sound of shouting in his ears, the smell of burning. This is not joyful. It is impossible, and terrible. ]
[ He does not let go of the knife. But through Nina, the grip relaxes, until he is truly simply watching, expression stony; like a statue. ]
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[ Nina has no time for awe, although what Alina is doing is truly awesome. She can also see, with Matthias' eyes, how it would be awful. The words are not too far apart.
Her hand brackets his wrist, not to restrain him, but to let him know she's there. She knows he's not going to use his knife.
She's never seen his hand shake before. Not like this. With cold, yes, but not like this.
And there is a reason behind the phrase that comes to her mind -- terrible as the dawn. This was a power truly set apart, and Nina both rejoiced and trembled a bit to see it -- finally, someone could bring down the Fold. ]
If I'm going to hang around you, Alina, I'm going to need to get shaded glasses. Do you think they have those here? [ Muttering a little: ] I mean, they barely have coffee...
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her eyes fix on the movement — follow matthias' hand to his knife. good. seeing matthias here had scared her half to death. let him flinch a little too.
she lowers her hands, and the light evaporates back into the ambient air. her breath is heavy. it had taken something to do that, even if she feels invigorated in the aftermath. like how mal would describe a good workout, but alina never had.
nina, blessed nina, breaks the tension, and alina's imperious expression turns to a smile. she can't help it. she has never met anyone as guileless and warm, as utterly unruffled. ]
Believe it or not, I don't usually do it this often.
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[ There's a little shaky breath in how she breathes those words out, but she's smiling as she says it. Nina's good at smiling; she's had a lot of practice. This isn't a smile that's false, but it is the way she's determined to proceed. (Something can be wonderful and terrifying and Alina's power is both those things. She doesn't know the other girl, and seeing so much power in the hands of someone else is... unsettling. It does feel a bit like something holy, and Nina's never gone much in for holy... well, except for one thing. She meant it when she'd told Matthias that her power wasn't unnatural, that it was life. She believed in Grishas' power, in how it connected them to all things -- that was the closest thing to holy that Nina Zenik cherished. And this was... a lot of that.)
She lets go of Matthias' hand but shifts so that her arm is brushing against his, near. ]
It would make shopping a nightmare. And people say I'm loud.
[ By this time, there's nothing but genuine warmth in her smile for Alina, all the remnants of tension have evaporated. Except as strange as it feels that she wants to somehow... step in front of Matthias and shield him. Who would have thought that would ever be the case? She should be wanting him to see this and tremble, but the last thing she wants is for him to ever be afraid. ]
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